For those ladies who are still struggling to get their BFP, please I know it might be hard but read this post, this is information I picked up yesterday that I wish someone had told me earlier. Just keep this in your back pocket for when you get your BFP!!
I had my first official OB appointment yesterday. (More on the details later).
I was lucky enough to be accepting into the OB clinic through the same hospital that my IVF clinic was with so these people see "Pregnant Infertiles" all the time.
I was sitting talking with the nurse and I was telling her how crappy I felt but downplaying it a little bit, (cause that is what I tend to do when I get into a doctors office).
She looked me straight in the eyes and told me, that being pregnant after Infertility can suck. Okay, you have my attention...
I think she must have been watching for facial reactions (tears started to form). She continued to say that no one ever talks about pregnancy after infertility. She told me that I was most likely putting too much pressure on myself and this pregnancy. She said the world paints this pretty picture of pregnancy and many times our minds focuses on that to get us through the infertility treatments. So when we are finally pregnant and it is not all roses and chocolate there is a huge let down.
She said that in many cases Infertiles put a lot of pressure on themselves and their pregnancies. They have fought for so long and hard for this, they expect it to go a certain way and when it doesn't they have a hard time dealing with it.
Why oh why didn't anyone tell me this before?!?!? After my 7 week ultrasound my Infertility clinic gave me a pat on the back, a bunch of paper work and sent me on my merry way, with no warning once so ever about any of this!! Had I known about this weeks ago it would have done wonders. I am putting to much pressure on myself and this pregnancy, I am trying too hard rather then just enjoying things.
I am a little pissed off that I was kinda left in Limbo from 7 weeks until almost 15 weeks, I wish there had been some sort of after care and support.
Anyways, I am feeling so much better now that I am understanding this a bit more, and I hope that this post can help those who find themselves struggling after their BFP.
13 comments:
This is def true:) Exp when you have gone through IF and RPL...its even worse....There is a book out called the Belated Baby...its about parenting/pregnancy after IF...I have it an its a good read:) Glad everything is going well and hopefully you will take some pressure/stress of and kick back and relax...second trimester is the best:)
OH soooo TRUE!!! I still feel the pressure, anxiety etc...and I am 18weeks I don't think it will ever go away.
I am so happy that your appointment went well today and gave you some "relief". Hopefully now you will be seen on a more regular basis, I cannot imagine going that long without being seen so early on! Thinking of you ((HUGS)).
What a wonderful nurse.
Ditto - what a wonderful nurse!
I completely understand. I too have been putting pressure on myself and feeling guilty when I complain.
One thing I will say, my midwives have been great. I've only had 2 appointments with them, but they do ask how I'm feeling emotionally about the pregnancy and I think it has helped me.
This couldn't be more true.
Wow - what a lovely thing for a nurse to be able to share. I hope that you manage to take her words and hear them in your heart.
ICLW
I'm glad that things went so well for you at your appointment!
Happy ICLW!
This is SO true...you put all of these pressures on yourself to love every minute and not complain, but pregnancy isn't easy, and so you end up feeling stressed out and like a whiner or something.
I found that I felt this exact way after I had my son. I had wanted for so long to be a mother, and once I finally WAS one, I didn't know what on earth I was doing, and all of a sudden I was discharged from the midwives and left to figure it out for myself.
I think this knowledge/realization will help you once you have your baby too.
Good luck with everything. :)
I'm sorry it took so far into the pregnancy for someone to share the "secret" with you. I hope that it helps you to put less pressure on yourself through the rest of your pregnancy.
Can I share another secret? (At least for my own experience)...IF puts a lot of pressure on you as you parent, too. I have days where I feel horrible guilt over getting frustrated with my boundaries-testing toddler. And I think there's a part of me that feels like it's not okay to have rough days after you promised the world and whatever being you trust to be "in charge" of these things that you will be the BEST.MOM.EVER. if you would just finally get that baby you want so very badly.
Like pp said, it leaks into parenting as well. It's really hard, even with a 3 month old and the pressure IFers put on themselves.
As for the pregnancy - yup. Especially when things get craptastic in the third trimester.
teamjinfred.wordpress.com
i can so imagine this to be the case. i'm glad you are at least realizing this now and you can try to enjoy the remainder of your pregnancy with a different perspective. even when infertiles get pregnant, we need a lot of support, and we deserve it too!
I am so glad you had a nurse that took the time to say that to you. I hope it helped!
Ok, I think I want to hug this nurse. She is a gem! And thank YOU for sharing this with the rest of us. Makes so much sense, but never thought about it in these terms. I had the lovely experience of going to my first OB appt and basically being told that they aren't going to see me anytime soon despite my ("huh, aren't I considered high risk because of my prior miscarriages?" and "but I have twins") objections. I would have much preferred to talk to someone who sees infertility patients...it is NOT an easy transition!
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