LIne of Duty Deaths

Just a warning, this is going to be a bit of a stream of consciousness post, I am not even sure if this is going to make sense but it is stuff I need to get off my chest.

Last Wednesday Sgt. Russell, 35, was in the line of duty while trying to stop a man who had gone amok through the streets of Toronto, driving a stolen snowplow.  Sgt. Russell leaves behind a wife and 2 year old son.

I find it harder and harder to deal with Line of Duty Deaths.  You see my husband works in the Emergency Services.  Each day when he leaves the house to go to work there is a chance that he will have to put himself in danger to save another.

I knew what DH did when we met, and I have always loved him for it.  But over the last few years every time something like this comes up and another Emgerncy service worker is killed in the line to duty it gets harder and harder to deal with.

I have almost not been able to function seeing Sgt. Russell's pictured with young family.  Today the funeral was live on many radio and television  stations, at one point at work the sounds of a single bagpipe filled the air from an office around the corner and I almost lost it.  I had to ask them to turn it down because I broke into tears.

I could not imagine living my life without my husband, and now that I am pregnant I could not imagine going through what Mrs. Russell and her son  are going to go through for the rest of her life.

Just thinking about it brings me to tears.  I can't even begin to process the emotions that are rolling around in my brain.

I think I need to watch the news tonight and just have an ugly cry.