We are now pretty sure my depression is starting to break through the medication. While this is bad, at least I have caught the warning signs and warned DH so he will keep a close eye on me, also I will go to my doctors next week if things are not getting better then I will go see my doctor about upping my meds.
I had a really hard yesterday. It was a good day because we were celebrating my future sister in law with a shower, but it was hard because of what I was surrounded by.
There was a 10 week old baby and a 1 year old that were attending the shower along with a Pregnant woman. I was prepared for the pregnant girl, but I wasn't prepared for the babies. The first thing my mother did when she walked in the room was picked up the baby and I swear she didn't put it down until the end.
I tried to avoid my mother with the baby in her arms, but she kept coming to me over and over again. When I went to sit down my mother plopped down beside me with the baby in her arms and kept saying to me "look at his face" and "look at this", it was like stabbing a knife stabbing into my heart every time I saw my mother looking longing at the child. I was hoping she would figure it out, but she didn't she just kept trying to force the baby on me!!
Then the one year old picked me out of everyone there to use my legs as a jungle gym. It seemed like the more I tried to just look past her the more she tried to grab my attention.
I was trying so hard to be happy and cheerful for my FSIL, but it was so hard, at one point while I was in the bathroom I had to convince myself not to cry that everyone would know.
Driving home all I wanted to do was crawl into bed and stay there, but we had dinner plans that I needed to attend. It took all my energy to sit and look happy at dinner.
Not the day that I needed when I was already feeling so low,
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