Every day at work I am bombarded with questions, "how are you feeling", "When are you due", "do you know if it is a boy or a girl". I usually try and quickly answer the questions and then high tail it out of there. For some reason talking about the pregnancy makes me feel uncomfortable, especially when there are people around that I don't really know.
I thought there was something wrong with me, aren't all pregnant women suppose to love gushing about their pregnancy. So why do I feel so uncomfortable with it??
Well I figured it out the other day. While talking to someone I found myself question a facial movement. I suddenly found myself wondering, if that person was dealing with infertility and my talking about my pregnancy was causing them pain.
Okay quick, how can I change the subject,
Then that person apologized and told me they were going to sneeze, and that was the facial movement I was seeing.
Then it hit me, I think I am holding back on talking about my pregnancy in public because I am afraid of hurting others. I am worried that somewhere in the crowd, my words are causing someone pain. After so many years of trying to avoid pregnancy talk in public, I think my mind is just hard wired to try and avoid it.
Wow, yet again, even after I have moved onto the next step, Infertility still has a hold on my life.
3 comments:
I know exactly how you feel, I'm the same way. I have even noticed that I am cautious about my blog and feel guilty posting about my pregnancy because I know there are plenty of woman right where I was not too long ago. Infertility SUCKS!
I don't talk about it much at all either, even when I blog I decide to blog so rarely because I worry about how it affects others and what they're feeling. It's hard to get over that hold - which is great to be so sympathetic to others, since many people lack that quality. It does make it hard as well. Infertility will always have a hold on you, but you at least have been blessed now with compassion and sympathy due to it.
I know how you feel. I have caught myself a few times wondering if I've been talking too much. It's very difficult when you don't know if other people are dealing with IF or not. Also, I have a good friend who has been through hell and back with IF and while I know she is happy for me, I always feel so guilty when she asks me how I'm doing. I usually just give her a short reply and change the subject.
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